oh, to be young.

december. 8. 2011.
i felt like a child. just lying on the floor with my head buried into my blanket. crying... wailing. begging "please, please, please. just let me have this. please. i just adore him. please." i was crying out to God, to crissa, to anyone who could hear me and answer my beg. to want something so much. to have such deep desires. i can feel the burn in my stomach. i can feel the ache in my heart. no matter how often i brush off the thoughts, or i refrain from saying anything regarding the situation, there is nothing i want more than this right now. i would give anything to have it. i would do anything. i know he isn't perfect and i know i'm not either. i know life wouldn't be perfect or happy or painless if i got my way, but it's worth it. i just want this so much. i can't express it enough. it's all i think about. it's all i feel. it's on the tip of my tongue at every moment. i literally have to tell myself not to talk about it or think about it. it's the most obnoxious yet beautiful and pure situation to be in.

i don't know what it means or if it even means anything. i don't know what he thinks. i don't know what will happen. i really don't know anything. i know that i just want this so much and i will do whatever i have to to get it.

these are the typical emotions of a 17 year old girl, hahaha.