Every night for the past two years, he's been apart of my thought process. There hasn't been one evening where I've fallen asleep without thinking of him. Though there isn't a moment when he's not on my mind, some days are worse than others. Some days it's like the only thing I CAN do is just think of him. Wonder what he's doing, wonder how he feels, wonder what will happen. My mind is a whirlpool of hope, fear and anxiety. Sometimes I just have this feeling that it's gonna happen. It's this overwhelming confidence that I'm gonna get him that for once, it's actually going to work. I have already come this far. And I will wait for him until something better comes along. But sometimes I can't decipher wether or not hope is a healthy rope to hold onto, or if hope is a decision to be disappointed. Hope travels back and forth between a fancy day dream, and a battle; a battle against my own thoughts and desires. I know I have power over my thoughts, but this feeling.... This overwhelming feeling of love. No one has ever made me feel so happy. And those feelings develop hope.
I don't know what it all means. But I'll continue to wait like I've been doing these last two years.
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